Amanda Saucedo fed her 30-day-old child before putting him to bed in the same bed as her. What she discovered next to her infant wrecked her life when she woke up the following morning. She claims that she will carry to her death the horror of not knowing if it was her fault.
The loss of a child is the source of all sadness. When this doesn’t happen, entire universes come tumbling down, and suddenly, nothing is the same, and anguish settles in the hearts of the bereaved parents. Children should outlive their parents.
A single mother from Lorain, Ohio, named Amanda Saucedo, is attempting to spread awareness by sharing the tale of how she lost her 30-day-old son Ben and how the uncertainty of whether she is to blame is ruining her life. She is distributing Benny Bears to new parents and a short story written by her kid.
That evening, Amanda—who had previously served in the army—took her infant in her arms and brought him to her bed so she could feed him. He was then placed next to her to sleep.
Baby Ben wasn’t breathing and was surrounded by a pool of his blood when she woke up the following morning.
She hurriedly grabbed her son in her arms and dialed 911, unaware of what might have occurred over the previous night. Amanda was repeatedly asked if she wanted to conduct CPR on her infant, but she knew there was no sense in it. She’d known for hours that her child was dead.
Amanda’s blood was examined for the presence of alcohol and drugs. There wasn’t, and she was curious to find out what might have happened to her kid throughout the night.
The distraught mother added, “I only had one question for the coroner: ‘Did Ben suffer?'”
He responded,” ”Babies this small often don’t suffer whenthey’ree smothered.
“And at that point, guilt devoured my entire life and soul. Did I murder Ben?
“But I was sure I didn’t roll or lay down on him. According to the coroner, smothering is another word for suffocation.
Ben suffocated after I dozed off for some reason. I informed him that nothing was obstructingBen’ss airway. If his nose and mouth weren’t covered, how did this happen? I did not get it.
“Despite the detective’s kindness, I had the impression that they were looking for my fault as if I had done something to cause myself to fall asleep for an unusually long time. However, nothing was there.
“I’ve dubbed today my nightmare day. The worst narrative to tell is that one. Further, it never seems to get simpler.”
Although there was no evidence that Ben suffocated, positional” asphyxiation due to dangerous sleep setting” was listed as the cause of death. This decision made Amanda feel even more guilty.
Naturally, when incidents like this occur, other people always want to draw conclusions and develop theories about what must have gone wrong.
“Bed-sharing accidents only occur to drunk, high-strung, or obese people, right.”
“There is no way that this parent or caregiver followed the safe sleep recommendations set forth by the all-powerful attachment parenting doctors.
“The rest of the world is always looking for a fault—any excuse they can hold onto to maintain their delusion that this would never happen to them.
Healthy infants don’t just pass away, right? They do, sadly. My own did.
This mother’s life has been split into two periods since Ben died: the time before and the time after. She is now doing all her power to inform parents of infants about SIDS and the possible risks of sharing a bed with a newborn.
“Science has repeatedly shown that a baby’s risk of SIDS or SUID increases when parents share a bed. Many individuals tell me that they would want their child to be with them rather than by themselves if their babies were to pass away while sleeping suddenly. I’d have to disagree there as well. I will take the uncertainty of whether my child would have survived if he had been left to sleep alone with me to my grave, says Amanda.
“I feel that if Ben had passed away when I was practicing the ABCs of safe sleep, my life wouldn’t be racked with guilt and doubt all the time. Could his passing have been avoided? I might never learn. However, I wouldn’t want this sense of shame and illogic on anyone.
Please help Amanda spread the word by sharing her story on Facebook with your loved ones!