Top Ten Dirty Jokes

Dirty jokes, unfortunately, are not intended for children. They frequently deal with issues that are off-limits to children, and their endings make most people blush.

That’s why we’ve compiled a list of ten dirty jokes for you—remember that most of them are NSFW.

I hope you have a few nice laughs as a result of this. Beware, sensitive readers.

1.         The three ex-husbands are number one.

A middle-aged couple meets, falls in love and decides to marry. “Please promise to be gentle…,” the bride pleads to her new spouse as they relax in the bridal bedroom at their hotel on their wedding night. “I’m still a virgin,” she says.

“How can that be?” exclaims the surprised groom. You’ve already been married three times.”

“Well, know, my first husband was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it,” she explains.

“My second spouse was a gynecologist who only wanted to look at it.”

“And my third spouse was a stamp collector who only wanted to do one thing: collect stamps…God, I miss him!”

2.         The incident with the pickle slicer

Bill spent several years working at a pickle factory. One day, he tells his wife that he has a strong desire to shove his penis into the pickle slicer.

Bill’s wife offers to talk to a therapist about it, but he swears to fight this impulsive desire on his own. Bill returns home a few weeks later, completely sad.

“What’s wrong, Bill?” his wife inquires. “Do you recall how I mentioned my strong desire to stick my penis into the pickle slicer?” “My God, Bill, what happened?” his wife exclaims. “I got fired.” “What happened to the pickle slicer, Bill?” “Oh, she, too, was dismissed.”

3.         The blonde who works at the psychologist’s office

Natalie, a beautiful but troubled blonde model, sought help from a psychotherapist. She pleaded, “Doctor, you must assist me.” “I want to ravish whoever is in front of me as soon as I get a drop of alcohol in my body.” I got a little too horny. “It’s as though my instincts take over.”

“I see,” the male psychiatrist explained. “Let’s take it one step at a time!” says the narrator. Take a seat on that couch over there. We’ll calmly talk about this. I’ll make some beverages first…”

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4.         A man has a clear idea of what he wants.

When a man comes into a tavern, he notices a sign above the bar that reads:

$3.50 CHEESEBURGER

SANDWICH WITH CHICKEN: $4.50

$15.00 FOR A HAND JOB

He approaches the bar and approaches one of the three stunning blondes serving drinks. “Can I assist you?” she inquires. The man murmurs, “I was wondering.” “Are you the one who assigns manual labor?” She purrs, “Yes.” “I am,” says the speaker. “Well, wash your hands,” the man responds. “I’d like a cheeseburger,” says the customer.

5.         A dilemma with an elderly lady

“I have difficulty passing gas,” an elderly woman tells her doctor, “but it doesn’t bother me too much.” It has no odor and is constantly silent. While I’ve been here in your office, I’ve passed gas at least 20 times. You didn’t realize I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and is silent.” “I see,” the doctor says. Take these medications and meet me again next week.”

The lady returns the following week. “Doctor, I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas…,” she adds. It reeks terrible, even though it is still silent.”

“Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses,” the doctor continues, “we’ll start working on your hearing.”

6.         A Father and His Son… as well as Puppies

A father and his little son are walking through a park when they see two dogs having sex. “Daddy, Daddy!” the son exclaims. “What are those dogs up to?” says the narrator. “Son, those dogs are making puppies,” the guy responds. His son appears to comprehend.

The toddler walks in on his parents having sex a few weeks later. As a result, he naturally asks, “Daddy!” “What exactly are you doing?” “Well, son… we’re making babies,” the man responds, embarrassed.

“Flip her over!” the child exclaims. “I’m looking for puppies!!”

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7.         The teacher’s retaliation

The lecturers inform the children that:

“The most important exam of the year is tomorrow, and I will not take any excuses if you fail it!” A nuclear holocaust, a serious injury, or the death of a close relative are all possibilities, but that’s it! So if you miss class, make sure you bring a letter!”

Except for the class’s comedian, all of the kids nod in agreement:

“However, what if I’m weary tomorrow from… you know… extreme sexual activity?”

“I suppose you can write with your other hand then…”

8.         In the park, an elderly couple

An elderly couple sits side by side on a park bench.

The guy smiles as he leans over to his wife and says, “Fuck you.”

“Fuck you too, sweetie,” the wife says, turning to him and smiling.

They sit silently for a few moments before the woman returns her gaze to her husband.

“Dear, “I can’t say I’m a huge admirer of oral sex.”

9.         The pharmacy’s young woman

A young woman enters a pharmacy one day. When it’s her turn, she inquires about extra-large condoms with the clerk.

“Yes, we do,” says the narrator. “Would you like to purchase some?”

“No,” says the woman. But is it all OK if I stay here and wait for a man who wants to?”

10.       Remarks from the daughter

A mother and her five-year-old daughter are traveling along the highway when a huge dildo smashes into their windshield.

Daughter: What was that, Mommy?

Mom: (clearly not wanting her kid to know what it was) Honey, it was only a bug. Don’t be concerned.

a brief moment of silence

Daughter: That bug sure has a big dick.

I hope you enjoyed some of these filthy jokes!

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